 Previous
New Readers Start Here
Table of Contents Next
If Doberman heard Hamlet he betrayed no sign. "Everybody
here?" he barked. He looked around again. "Let's
get going." He spoke in a sharp monotone that made
it hard to tell when one sentence ended and the next
began.
"We want to keep you informed, that's what today
is all about. One of the worst things to have in the
building is rumor. Rumors are usually wrong and they
soak up a lot of energy. Today I want to kill some rumors
and head off some others before they take root."
"Great metaphors," muttered Kath.
"First off, where are we? As of today we have
a product that we think we can launch by the end of
next month. It's taken a lot of work. You should be
proud.
"We're Number One. We are Numero Uno. Read the
reports. You'll see that No One Else," he made
these last three words a staccato beat, "is doing
what we're doing. No one else has a team capable of
doing what we're doing. We are fucking world class!
"As you know, the NASDAQ has taken some bad falls
and that has affected the confidence of the Venture
Capitalists.
"The good news is I'm very confident that we're
going to make it. We have some money in the bank and
we hope to close the next round of funding in a few
days, but there's no point giving away too much of the
company, otherwise there's none left for me!
"We have to strike a balance. We have dot com
in our name so we spend a lot of money. The whole idea
is to hemorrhage money. If you don't do that the Internet
Police take your web site away."
He waited for laughter but all he saw was a sea of
expectant faces.
"Our burn rate was a little on the high side,
but we knew that was OK because we're so close to launch.
Now that the VC firms are being very careful with their
money we need to be more careful too."
"God he looks sincere," whispered Kath. "Couldn't
you just bounce him on your knee?"
Doberman had a history of cruelty to employees. He
particularly enjoyed baiting Kath, perhaps because she
was a gentle soul who treated people with respect. Showing
him respect was fruitless. He thrived on adversarial
relationships when he found them, and tried to cultivate
them when he didn't.
"We need to reduce operating costs. Effective
immediately we're laying off all of the consultants.
After the meeting I'd like the consultants and account
managers to stay in the room so that we can tell you
how we'll handle the rest of the morning. The consultants
have worked hard. We're very grateful. You all know
that consultants are hired guns. This kind of thing
is part of the deal. About 24% of our workforce is made
up of consultants so there'll be more work for everyone
else. We're all counting on you. The prospects are good,
we have a great product, we have a great business plan,
we have a great sales team. If we can get through the
next six weeks everything after that will be easy.
"That's all I have to say. Questions?"
When they filed out of the room Kath gave him a weak
smile. "So I guess Yahoo mail is still allowed?"
James smiled back. "Sounds like the least of our
worries."
They walked in silence back to the office and sat there
for a few minutes. Kath went to the kitchen to make
tea for them both. When she returned she noticed Doberman
in reception.
"Watch out," she warned James. "Hound
dog's back."
James contemplated the danger. "We should be OK
this morning. He already ate."
A few moments later Doberman's head appeared around
the door.
"Girls, girls, girls," he shouted at them.
"Forgot to mention. We all need something to cheer
us up. Tomorrow's Fancy Dress day. Gorilla suits for
everyone. Don't forget!"
"Pardon me?" said James. Kath was staring
in disbelief at Doberman's grinning face.
Doberman ignored her. He gave James a very hard stare
and pointed his finger like a gun. "No gorilla
suit, no job. Give your size to Maggie in reception."
He stared at James for another couple of seconds, then
nodded as if to terminate the discussion, and withdrew.
As he walked down the hall they heard him cry out with
glee. "God, I love being the boss." He laughed
and then made a noise like Tarzan's chimp.
"What an asshole," Kath hissed. "I wonder
how many people will give in." Suddenly her anger
bubbled over. "Get therapy," she yelled, probably
loud enough for him to hear.
James looked thoughtful. "Y'know, I'm not sure
I know what size gorilla suit I take. Do you suppose
they'll send a tailor?
Previous New
Readers Start Here Table
of Contents Next
|
